Reverse Belly Envy

I never thought I'd find myself in this position, wishing that my belly was bigger. I've spent my whole life doing the opposite: eying with envy those with flat stomachs. 

Yes, yes, I've come to appreciate and love being curvy. But there's still always been something about the flat stomach that holds an allure for me. Wouldn't it be nice to feel comfortable baring my midriff for others to admire?

As long as I've already been confessing my quirks on here (i.e. my crazy even numbers thing, which by the way, has now been exacerbated by the fact that we found a new 2br apartment -- yay -- and the address is 561, with an apartment number 107 -- argh -- but I digress), I figure I may as well go far out and share one of my deepest irrationalities.

When I was a kid (not sure how old -- maybe around 10-12), I observed that I had this belly and others didn't. You see, my belly has always been such that it's a little round pot that sticks out the front. Okay, fine, two round hills with a valley in between and a lake in the valley (my belly button). As such, I was *absolutely* convinced that I was carrying my twin in my belly and that someday, I would all of a sudden give birth to it, and no one would believe that I hadn't had sex.

This was a very big worry to me back then. I'm sure you can see why. (Ha -- hey, Tara -- maybe I shouldn't be making fun of your hypochondria so much!!)

So you can see why it feels strange to me now to be wondering, "Hey, belly! When are you going to pop already and make it obvious what's going on?!"

When I tell people that I'm about halfway through my pregnancy these days, they look at me in disbelief and make comments about how I'm not showing and they can't believe I'm that far along.


The irony is that I can't even appreciate the fact that, for once, people are telling me that I'm small! I should be relishing this!!


But instead, I wander around looking at all the other pregnant women, longing for their cute bellies sticking out adorably in front of them, announcing to all what's going on. 


It's true that it is starting to pop this week, so I shouldn't have much more to go for my desire to come true. And it's also true that in a month or so, I'll be wishing that it would slow down already. Because my other irrational fear is that, because it (feels like) it's been slow in coming, it will suddenly start and not stop growing until it's the biggest pregnancy belly ever! Even bigger than the woman who had the eight kids!!

Maybe not quite that bad, but you get my drift ... 


Perhaps this is a good time to stop and work on living in the moment and appreciating the present. 


Or not. 

Bring on the belly!!