Score Update

As I was walking today, I re-counted the pregnant friends and I figured out who I was missing. And, I was also reminded of one more friend who has had a baby in the last few months.

So, the beginning score is:

4-10

14 friends for our Blueberry born within one year of each other! How exciting!

Muddling Through the System

First of all -- okay, I'm convinced. I am, in fact, pregnant. 16 weeks so, in fact.

I had another check-up on Monday. I needed that to convince myself that it was actually happening, despite no evidence that anything had gone awry since the last visit and ultrasound. Mo couldn't make it to this appointment, so I heard the heartbeat for the first time by myself. It's so fast! And my substitute doctor, who was also pregnant, found a free ultrasound machine and snuck it in to let me have a look-see. Sure enough, there was little Blueberry, moving around, measuring 11 cm in length!

It's all so weird.

Mo said this morning that he thinks I'm starting to show a little. I have to say that I agree with him. It's just hard to tell when you don't have a flat stomach to begin with. :) I'll keep you posted on that when there's something more to share. We took a 'before' picture earlier, so I'm going to try to find an outfit to wear that I'll be able to wear most of the way through to plot the changes each week. I just don't think we're there yet.

So yes, back to my substitute doctor. I'll spare you all the details, but I was really frustrated on Monday. They didn't tell me my appointment had been canceled. I *think* my doc is on family leave until November 30, although I got conflicting responses. So that leaves me with trying to figure out if I should switch providers, since I don't know what's going on with her.

I already don't like the fact that, in a mammoth system like we're in (Kaiser), I have NO idea who will be present at my birth and it's just the luck of the draw. So at the very least I want someone with whom I have a relationship leading up to the birth. I've already had that interrupted once now, so I'm not excited about it happening again.

But there's a glitch. 

If I stay at the Oakland center, I checked out all the ObGyn's yesterday on their online 'switch doctors' page. Out of 22 available Ob's,  something like 17 were female and 5 were male. Guess which 17 weren't accepting new patients, and guess which 5 were?! 

Ugh.

With all due respect to the many men in my life who I think are fabulous, I do NOT want a male doctor coaching me through the pregnancy process. No, thank you. I want someone who's actually physically been through the process. So, today, I will go searching through other Kaiser centers to figure this out. I wanted to figure out what the process is with the midwife they have available at the Walnut Creek center, so might as well start now!

On a happier note, I'm now up to NINE friends who are pregnant. (I thought it was ten, but I can't for the life of me remember who the tenth was...) So, I'm going to start keeping score on here. For now, we're at 3-9 (three recently born and nine on the way). I'll keep you updated on the changes!

The Gender Question

I've been amazed at how much we've already been asked if we know what gender the baby is (not possible yet) and if we're going to find out. And how many people simply assume that we'll be finding out and want to be told as soon as we know. 

So I thought I'd give a bit of an explanation here as to why no one will be getting an answer to that question until the birth.

It's multifaceted.

For one, it's important to us (well, I guess I should only be speaking for myself here) to do our (um, my) best not to make our child feel like it's supposed to be one certain way because it's a boy or a girl. I want the child to feel like it can identify itself however it wants, regardless of whatever biological sex may be identified to it at birth. 

Now, I understand from friends with kids that they've been amazed at how many things their kids are naturally drawn to that are in line with the socialized gender roles/options, when they purposefully tried to expose them to other options. So I'm not saying that I would force a boy, for example, to play with traditionally girl-identified things like dolls when he's clearly drawn to trucks. 

I'm just saying that I think we we put way too much emphasis on gender in this society. Maybe down the line our child will want to tell us that s/he is transgender, and I want him/her to feel okay with that and just in general not feel like it's supposed to be one certain way, or a set of certain ways. While that socialization obviously primarily comes after birth, I like setting the precedent for that while in the formation stages in the uterus. I'm already sending messages.

Plus, at the superficial level, there's the whole thing of all the baby blue and pink that you get on everything when you know the gender. What about the spectrum of colors? I don't even like pastel! I like primary colors! Give me some green and purple over light blue and light pink any day!

And, though I'm so appreciative of all that technology offers us in terms of increasing the safety of deliveries and maternal/baby health, I also think there are some things that should just be left to nature, and I like the idea of a child coming out and Mo being there to help to catch it, saying excitedly, 'It's a boy!' or 'It's a girl!' 

So, there's your long-winded answer to say that no, we will not be finding out the gender. I find gender to be a fascinating thing to discuss, so please feel free to ask questions!

In the In-Between

I feel like I'm in this weird stage of pregnancy right now. I've moved past the tiredness (phew) and I never got sick (double phew), but I'm not yet showing and I can't feel anything.

So people ask me how it's going, and I say, "Fine, I guess." I guess I have to go with the 'ole 'No news is good news' adage on this one. 

I think it's partially because we opted to tell people so early. I mean, who are we kidding -- secrets are not a strength of Mo's or mine. If it's really important to someone else to keep something quiet, sure. It's just that we ourselves are not the private types -- we like to include people in things. But since we've been telling people for two over two months already, it's already old news, and yet there's no proof. (Well, we do have the ultrasound, and I DID get super tired, and even last night I did sleep 10.5 hours, but you know ... no belly!! Okay, fine, I do have a belly, but that's the same belly I've always had!)

Speaking of ultrasound, my friend Meriah the super-blogger gave me a tip on how to get a photo of it on here. Let's see if I get it to work.

There s/he is -- little Blueberry. A month ago already! S/he is already the size of an apple this week! (Mo's mom is thoroughly amused by this tracking by food size thing that Baby Center tells us each week. She doesn't read the emails but asks Mo each week and then comments about us young people in sort of an amused voice...)

So anyway, back to this in-between-ness. Mo keeps asking if I've posted on Facebook about my pregnancy yet or if I've shared the blog beyond my parents and two friends. Somehow, since it feels like nothing is happening, and despite the fact that we've passed the first trimester mark, I just can't bring myself to be 'that public' (um, even though pretty much everyone knows already -- at least those in the Bay Area) until after I have my next doctor's appointment next Monday.

Weird, I know. But I need more proof that something's happening.

A Mother Blessing

I just came from a Mother's Blessing celebration. 

'What is that?', you ask.

Well, it's a pretty fabulous alternative to a baby shower. The emphasis is more on the mother -- showering her with wisdom and blessings as she's about to begin her journey of motherhood -- and less on the baby, who already gets lots of attention. We were all asked to bring a bead to add to a necklace that she'll wear for the birth for inspiration, thus carrying her loved ones with her into the labor process.

It's always so interesting to me how we all bring something different to a situation, particularly one in which we're asked to do something very specific like bring a bead for the necklace. Everyone had their own take on what to offer to her -- some more focused on the birth process and what would be helpful then, some focused more on what kind of a person she is and therefore what she will carry on to her baby, some more on a reflection of the friendship between the mother and the person offering the bead. In the end, it was one of the more beautiful (albeit eclectic) necklaces you've seen, and I know that it will offer her much strength and inspiration as she faces the challenges and wonder of birth.

I was really struck as I was there at how wonderful it is to be in a roomful of women. We had a ton of healthy, tasty food (on the healthier side than normal since the mother is vegan), there was nothing but love flowing through the room, and everyone had nothing but encouragement and beautiful thoughts about bringing children into this world. We all worked together to make the necklace work, sharing stories as we worked.

It was refreshing. I wish our society could have more recognition for the power of motherhood and the power that is created among women. And I'm not talking about muscle-wielding power here. I'm talking about power that is strong in ties and relationships, based in love and connection, with a focus on equity and justice. That's the kind of power we need more of in this world, and blessing a mother-to-be is a good place to start.

Numerology

It occurred to me that I hadn't mentioned when Blueberry's inner part of the journey is scheduled to end.

It depends on who you ask.

When we first found out I was pregnant, I entered the required information into the online calculator, and it came up as March 13, much to Mo's delight. Why, you ask? Because that's his birthday, and he thinks that would be a fabulous birthday present.

On the other hand, Kaiser (our hospital) has assigned March 11, based on giving them the same date that I entered online.

Yet I'm pretty sure that the conception date, based on my careful tracking, was somewhere around the 20th or 21st of June, which would make a due date March 20th or 21st.

In any case, it's all a gamble anyway. Since I'm already surrounded by March birthdays (Mo, my brother David, his partner Sara, and several friends), I'm already the outcast and have resigned myself to the fact that someone else is joining the March Birthday Club, leaving me out even further.

So, I think it's fair to ask that Blueberry at least have the decency to join the world on an even-numbered day of the month. You may or may not know this, but I have a very strong thing against odd numbers. I'm not really sure why, particularly since I tend to like things and people that are odd, but I've always harbored resentment against those pesky odd numbers. (Though I'm occasionally willing to concede 5 as an honorary even number, depending on my mood, since it so evenly breaks down each set of ten numbers.) Since Mo & I decided to get married on New Year's Day in 2009, I already have an anniversary of 1/1/2009. Look at all those odd numbers! Ah! My birthday is such a fantastic combination of even numbers -- 10/26/76. Isn't it pretty? So smooth in its execution. So, since Blueberry will already be born in the 3rd month of the year 2011, all I ask for is an even number between the 3 & the 11. 

I think that's fair.

The Road to Blueberry

Well, here we are. Pregnant. For real. Not a joke.

It's so bizarre!


How'd we get to be here?


Well, the tables turned. That's how. For the longest time, Mo was the baby crazy one, and I was putting him off. At the beginning of this year, I started doing the math of how old our parents would be at certain childhood milestones, I was totally fed up with my job, and everyone else was getting pregnant! So then I flipped the tables and said I was ready, which is when Mo decided to freak out!

You may not know this, but part of our decision to go to Pakistan when we had the opportunity with Mo's family was because we were ready to start trying for a kid and had originally planned to go at the end of the year. I didn't want to start trying until after we'd been to Pakistan, so when the opportunity presented itself, we jumped on it. And then, um, jumped on trying for a baby when we got back!


Mo figured it would take us a while, since he'd spent a good 50% of his waking adult life sitting in a hot tub and I had banned him from them as soon as we started trying. 


Therefore, when I sat him down at dinner the weekend after the 4th of July and told him I thought we should stop at the drug store on the way home to get a pregnancy test, he thought I was totally pulling his leg. 

Not so much.

While I kept feeling like we should take another test (the package we got had five, I think, and we only used one!), I also knew that other things were confirming what the test was telling us. Like the fact that one week later, I suddenly had far less energy than I have ever had.


I think Tara explained it best when she says that she was freaked out because she thought that if anybody could fend off the first trimester tiredness, it would be me. Alas, the first trimester tiredness is indefatigable (pun intended). I've proven it here, folks. Energizer Bunny Katie could not believe how flat-out tired I was. I mean, I'd seen my friends go through it, but of course you assume they're somewhat over-exaggerating until you do it yourself. Turns out they weren't. I apologize, all ye fabulous pregnant (or previously pregnant) friends.

So yes, it's true. I've spent the past two months as a couch potato, addicted to talent reality shows. (Okay, and one that has nothing to do with talent, but I won't tell you which one!)


A few weeks ago, we had our first ultrasound that confirmed that no, I wasn't just having some freakish bout of no periods and tiredness. This little thing that was only the size of a kumquat at the time actually had arms & legs and was moving around in me! It was amazing!!


Um, I'll try to upload a photo here, but it didn't seem to work (I think cuz I have it as a PDF and not a JPG) -- I'm a neophyte at this whole blogging thing. Instead, here's a blueberry for you to imagine how small it once was!

At this point, I'm almost out of the first trimester, which is hard to believe. We're lucky to be surrounded by new parents and other pregnant friends. (Two that had babies in the last four months -- one first child and one second -- and seven -- yes, you read that right -- pregnant friends. And Mo read today that there's been a drop in babies since the recession! P'shaw!) So, that means that we're getting all kinds of fabulous advice and support.


And now that we're almost 'out of the woods', we're going to have to start figuring some things out.


I look forward to sharing this journey with you!