The Fingernail Monster

A quick moment for the absurd...


There are small things in parenting that you had never thought about that you would have to do. Cutting fingernails and toenails is one of them. It's hard to do something on someone else that you're so accustomed to doing on yourself! There's something about the angle that makes me feel like I'm writing with my left hand or driving on the left side of the street (like when you parallel park on the left side of the street on a one-way street) ... you get my drift. It's just awkward. 


So, add to the odd angle the fact that the baby doesn't know what you're doing and doesn't appreciate having their toes and fingers sequestered, so is working very hard to extricate them from your grip. 


Then, add the fact that there is a Fingernail Monster living in each and every finger and toe. Yes, it's true!! The Fingernail Monster sits, lurking, waiting for you to cut the fingernails, and then, within moments, gives a little shove so that they're out there, all nice and long -- and sharp and pointy, because it's impossible to cut them cleanly with all the above-mentioned factors at play -- ready to be cut again, immediately!!

Seriously. It's true. See?? It exists!!


I feel like I'm cutting his fingernails EVERY DAY. I get done, and then a few hours later, I'm feeling his daggers cutting into my arm, lip, cheek, scratching away.


Maybe I just need to stop taking my vitamins??!!


(Haha!! Because you never know what you're going to find in the world of the internet, when I Googled 'fingernail monster', hoping to find some fabulous image (which, of course, I did, because it's the internet!), and look what I found: http://www.michaeltenn.com/2010/05/17/fingernail-monster/! Another parent blogging about the Fingernail Monster, except that they refer to themselves as the Fingernail Monster ... I guess I better write him and set him straight! The Fingernail Monster is not out cutting nails and spreading love -- He is thwarting efforts at cutting them and thus spreading frustration!!!! This guy has it ALL WRONG!!)

Our Little Guy

We have a little pipsqueak. From the time he came out of me at 7 pounds, 4 ounces, I haven't quite been able to wrap my head around the fact that I produced a small child. It just doesn't jive with my worldview or what I expected from me, a Hymans, of the ice cream eating clan. I just forgot to factor in how much those small Kashmiri genes would wield their power over him. He will be the biggest Kashmiri and smallest Hymans ever!

Imagine my surprise at Zia's last appointment when we discovered that he was only in the 10th percentile of weight! (I'm quite certain I myself have NEVER ranked that low! Does Not Compute) He was, however, in the 70th percentile for length/height ... way to go, Hymans genes! Mo's mom always wished he was taller, so I guess she'll get it in his son.)

Discovering the fun of the paper at the doctor's appointment, displaying his skinniness

The doctor seemed utterly unconcerned, even mentioning that we are lucky that he's so light to carry around. Though I am not one to be worried comparisons with other babies (okay, fine; sometimes I do, but for the most part, what's the point? They're all different!), I nonetheless couldn't help but come home and think, 'Fatten this boy up!' Cuz it's kinda weird to have a skinny baby. They're supposed to be chubby. Luckily, we had only been feeding him 'solids' (i.e. solid foods cremated down into almost-liquids) once a day and discovered that he was supposed to be getting them three times a day, thus creating instant calories. Hopefully. (More on feeding him to come in a later post.)

The doctor also said that some moms' breastmilk just doesn't have as many calories as others. It was hard not to look at her incredulously and exclaim that it was simply not possible for MY breastmilk to be one of those to fit into that category, as I have never imagined myself to be described in any way as low-calorie.

But who knows. Stranger things have happened, I suppose. I guess I better eat some more ice cream to fatten up that breastmilk!!

Though Mo seems to be more concerned about our little guy being skinny, I'm going to go ahead and appreciate the fact that he's easier to carry around for a while and figure that we're feeding him what we can, so he's developing just as he's meant to be.