Well, so far the joke's on us.
We finally started 'crying it out' two nights ago, at our wits' ends with the bouncing, rocking, walking, driving, and other madness that was ensuing, taking upwards of 1-2 hours to get this boy to sleep.
We did the extreme of hiring a sleep consultant to help us sort out what method was going to work for him and to help us craft a plan. I know, I know -- a sleep consultant?? Yes, you can do anything for work and be an expert in anything these days! But let's be real -- sleep is clearly not something that comes naturally and getting oneself to sleep is a learned skill. Zia clearly needs additional help with it, and we were getting tired of sorting through the stacks and stacks of conflicting advice about how to get your kid to sleep.
Enter sleep consultant.
Who was SO worth the money so far!! Why?
First of all, she explained a ton to us about Zia's temperament that really helped us to understand him and how to approach him. That right there was worth talking to her in and of itself. She also helped us make a plan for the daunting work of letting him cry himself to sleep, because again, there are as many opinions on how to do it as there are people who have written books about sleep. And, really, we just needed the confidence and reassurance to do it.
She said that most kids will take 30-60 minutes to cry themselves to sleep in the beginning stages, and that kids with temperaments like Zia's are likely to be persistent and take longer. (This had been our suspicion all along; hence, our hesitation to get started with it. Remember: Zia doesn't cry; he screams bloody murder. So contemplating over an hour of bloody murder is not exactly my vision of a pleasant evening -- on repeat for a week, or multiple weeks!)
Her recommendation was to let him cry for 1.5 hours and if he was still wailing, pick him up and do what we usually do to get him to sleep.
So, Mo & I were 100% prepared for 1.5 hours of tortured screaming. We had things out to distract ourselves and prepped ourselves for the emotional drain.
We went in after 5 minutes, as instructed. It was hard. I got teary-eyed. It's not easy giving your helpless little infant reassurance that you love him and support him in his struggle when he's *clearly* MISERABLE and hating what he's having to endure. We were to go back 10 minutes later, but not if it was de-escalating.
Which it unbelievably did!
Mo & I sat, staring at each other in wonder -- could we be hearing correctly? And sure enough ... how long did it take altogether??
15 MINUTES!!!!
What??
We figured it must be a fluke. So, the next night, we put him down even earlier because I couldn't get him down for his usual third nap and he'd therefore been up for five hours, which is way too long for a child of this age -- and was thus clearly overtired.
How long the second night?
6 MINUTES!!!!
Unbelievable.
How much are we kicking ourselves for the pain we've been causing ourselves to get him to sleep??
Alas, all things in time. We clearly weren't ready before, and maybe Zia wasn't either.
Tonight was also 6 minutes. And might I also add that he's needed our assistance to stay asleep far less than usual after getting him to sleep in the first place. Hallelujah!
The next step is going to be trickier, though, because it involves letting him start crying it out during his (MANY) night wakings. We tried that last night when he'd already been up for 1.5 hours and I'd fed him, bounced & rocked him, Mo had bounced & rocked him, and he was wide awake. So, we thought, either we take him for a drive at 3AM, or we let him cry it out. We figured, why not? It's been going well so far! How bad could it be??
Really bad.
When it was 4:20AM and he'd been crying for 1 hour and 20 minutes and I'd been up since 1:00AM and we couldn't even be in our bed since we're still working on putting together the crib to transfer him out of our room (a whole different saga for a different day), I said, 'Enough.' Fed the boy, he fell asleep, and we were done with that.
Hopefully, the night waking crying it out won't continue to be so hard, but man, are we laughing at ourselves for being so scared of, um, well, nothing, it turns out.
Ah, parenthood.
We finally started 'crying it out' two nights ago, at our wits' ends with the bouncing, rocking, walking, driving, and other madness that was ensuing, taking upwards of 1-2 hours to get this boy to sleep.
We did the extreme of hiring a sleep consultant to help us sort out what method was going to work for him and to help us craft a plan. I know, I know -- a sleep consultant?? Yes, you can do anything for work and be an expert in anything these days! But let's be real -- sleep is clearly not something that comes naturally and getting oneself to sleep is a learned skill. Zia clearly needs additional help with it, and we were getting tired of sorting through the stacks and stacks of conflicting advice about how to get your kid to sleep.
Enter sleep consultant.
Who was SO worth the money so far!! Why?
She said that most kids will take 30-60 minutes to cry themselves to sleep in the beginning stages, and that kids with temperaments like Zia's are likely to be persistent and take longer. (This had been our suspicion all along; hence, our hesitation to get started with it. Remember: Zia doesn't cry; he screams bloody murder. So contemplating over an hour of bloody murder is not exactly my vision of a pleasant evening -- on repeat for a week, or multiple weeks!)
Her recommendation was to let him cry for 1.5 hours and if he was still wailing, pick him up and do what we usually do to get him to sleep.
So, Mo & I were 100% prepared for 1.5 hours of tortured screaming. We had things out to distract ourselves and prepped ourselves for the emotional drain.
We went in after 5 minutes, as instructed. It was hard. I got teary-eyed. It's not easy giving your helpless little infant reassurance that you love him and support him in his struggle when he's *clearly* MISERABLE and hating what he's having to endure. We were to go back 10 minutes later, but not if it was de-escalating.
Which it unbelievably did!
Mo & I sat, staring at each other in wonder -- could we be hearing correctly? And sure enough ... how long did it take altogether??
15 MINUTES!!!!
What??
How long the second night?
6 MINUTES!!!!
Unbelievable.
How much are we kicking ourselves for the pain we've been causing ourselves to get him to sleep??
Alas, all things in time. We clearly weren't ready before, and maybe Zia wasn't either.
Tonight was also 6 minutes. And might I also add that he's needed our assistance to stay asleep far less than usual after getting him to sleep in the first place. Hallelujah!
Really bad.
When it was 4:20AM and he'd been crying for 1 hour and 20 minutes and I'd been up since 1:00AM and we couldn't even be in our bed since we're still working on putting together the crib to transfer him out of our room (a whole different saga for a different day), I said, 'Enough.' Fed the boy, he fell asleep, and we were done with that.
Hopefully, the night waking crying it out won't continue to be so hard, but man, are we laughing at ourselves for being so scared of, um, well, nothing, it turns out.
Ah, parenthood.
chuckle.
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